So… here it is. Probably the best photo I will ever upload onto my social media. When I was 22 and got my first job, I opened up a separate account to save money to take my parents on hajj… so this has been a long time in the making. This year, that dream finally came true. I was adamant I wouldn’t upload anything onto social media because that’s not what this pilgrimage was about – it wasn’t about showing off or telling people how holy I was. I also knew that the minute I uploaded this, I would be opening myself up to a plethora of negativity on my previous photos and inevitable criticism of any I upload in the future. But after going on this epic journey, I feel it would be wrong to not share the magic I experienced with others. I can’t be in a position of influence and hide the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me.
I had so many fears and questions before setting off – was this the right time to spend all this money or should I buy a house first and go in a couple of years? Was I spiritually ready? What changes would I make upon my return? I knew this was a really big deal – supposedly life changing – and in all honesty, my biggest fear of all was, what if I felt nothing at all?
But the truth is, it was life changing. This three week trip gave me a brand new perspective on religion, other Muslims and myself. I probably didn’t even realise how spiritually devoid I felt after two years of being a Muslim woman in the public eye – continuous scrutiny, continuous judgement (from all angles), continuous justification. I had almost forgotten who I was, what I wanted and what I even stood for… and ultimately, I had really lost faith in people.
And yet, in these three weeks, surrounded by millions of Muslims from all corners of the world, I witnessed some of the most beautiful moments of my life. I saw husbands looking after their wives… children looking after their parents… businessmen and celebrities and waiters and drivers all dressed exactly the same, praying side by side, shoulder to shoulder. I saw kindness and patience beyond belief.
Of course, there were moments where I was challenged – moments where I was tested and where I felt like I was just going through the motions – and yet, all of that seems so irrelevant. All the struggles were wiped away every time I sat on the rooftop watching the Kaaba, listening to the sound of the adhan echoing and resounding off the sky. My overwhelming memory is of standing in Arafat, on the burning grass under the blazing sun… when suddenly, the blue skies burst open and we witnessed the first rainfall in Arafat in 21 years. Millions of people stepped out of their tents and lifted their hands up to the sky, cleansing themselves of all their regrets and worries. Tears mixed with raindrops as millions of people stood drenched in the rain, praying in absolute silence. It was nothing short of magic.
They say if you don’t make changes when you return, your hajj hasn’t been accepted. But what I’ve learnt is that those changes don’t have to be everything and they don’t have to be overnight. You start off with one thing, then add the next. It’s the quality of your worship, not quantity. If people don’t see the changes, that’s fine – your faith is not for someone else to judge. Your efforts will never go unnoticed. How can they, when God is always watching?
The point of this post is not to preach – the point is quite simple. If one person reading this decides that they too perhaps want to go on this journey – maybe take their parents – then that’s my job done. For me, this journey and the people who helped me through it (particularly all of those at Hasan Travel and Tours. I would pay five times the money just to go with them again) changed my life at a time I really needed it. They taught Islam in its simplest, purest and truest form. We get so carried away with this insta-world. We obsess over yachts and bags and shoes… and that’s all fine. I totally do it too. But we mustn’t forget what is truly important in life. For me – more than any amount of money, fame, success or glamour – it’s my faith and my parents. Enjoy your life – I am all for that – but do not forget your priorities. Money means absolutely nothing if you’re not doing something worthwhile with it.
We are so in tune with how to look after our bodies – if we get a cut, we put a plaster on it. But this summer, I recharged my soul. Hajj 2019 – we did it.
Share This:
